ahh, formals.

formals are the greatest.

it's not at all about the party itself. it's not about your date, where you go out to eat, who you see, if you shake it on the dance floor or stick to the wall all night.

it's all about the dress.

this saturday, my sorority had our biggest party of the year in downtown oklahoma city. shelby and i spent most of the evening lounging around engaging in this season's greatest spectator sport, Drunk Girls in Hideous Dresses.

a few pointers, if i may.

kristin's 7 tips for avoiding an evening of disaster

1. you see this dress on the right? no, no, NO. i boldly and bravely sacrificed myself to show you the very latest in tremendously tacky. let's leave the stick on paper flowers to.. whatever stick on paper flowers were intended for.

2. we see you in that pink/teal/orange/(insert assorted crayola color here) dress, and you aren't fooling anyone. we know that dress went to your junior prom, and while your david's bridal treasure was certainly at the height of fashion back then, please leave the pastels to the high school crowd. welcome to college, your choices are black, red, black, black, or maybe something silver or gold, if you're just *that* daring.

3. honey, i can see how you thought it would be pretty funny to wear a full 1980s ensemble to our most formal of formals, but honestly. when you get down to it, you just looked even drunker in an even more hideous dress. congrats.

4. one more thing to those girls recycling prom dresses. if you are going to re-wear the dress, try not to spill multiple drinks of strikingly contrasting colors down the front of your skirt. nothing draws more attention to a lime green dress than a pool of deep red wine traveling down its bodice.

5. when choosing your dress, give some consideration to what your date will be wearing. yes, i know that beautiful beaded gown was extremely expensive, and i realize that mom will probably disinherit you if it isn't actually worn. but when your escort for the evening is all dolled up in khakis and a button down shirt, sans tie, this really isn't the time or place for your extravagant look. sign up for the next miss america competition. this is a party, not a pageant.

6. your shoes stay on your feet. yes, even on the dance floor, and especially in the overflowing bathroom.

7. to my sweet pledge sister. if you're going to wear a thousand dollar ensemble, maybe try to avoid the ten dollar bottle of vodka just this one evening. there's nothing like a beautiful girl in a beautiful dress so belligerently drunk that her friends are carrying her to the buses. i'm sorry, but the dress just doesn't carry the same effect when you have lipstick smeared all over your face.

so that's my two cents on achieving the perfect look for the big party. call me old fashioned, call me a sorority snob, but after some of the interesting things we encountered last night, i simply couldn't keep this to myself any longer.

on a side note, i love khia as much as the next girl, but i really must insist that functions which require guys to wear a tux could probably go without those same guys getting all freak nasty on the dance floor, while their dates purr such tasteful lyrics as "my neck.. my back.."

gee golly.

speciously yours,

kristin leigh