there are those things in life which, despite their utterly horrible nature, you simply must look at. in fact, you cannot tear yourself away from staring at them. you know, like car wrecks, tornadoes, or hideously bad teeth.

or jessica simpson.

as i have mentioned many times before, reality tv is the lifeblood which flows through the veins of my sorority. it's what we chat about while getting ready in the mornings, discuss over dinner, and gather en mass to watch each week. so naturally, mtv's "newlyweds" premier was treated with the usual amount of reverence we reserve for such things. until it all turned horribly ugly.

jessica simpson, letting an earth-shattering burp.

jessica simpson, acting like a jealous 12 year old over her husband.

jessica simpson, explaining with a giggle how she just simply can't manage to pick up after herself.

i was horrified. i wanted to turn it off, i wanted to never see that stupid little blonde bimbo again in my life. i wanted to toss my tv over the third story balcony just in case i might accidentally hear that pithy little voice. but i was hooked.

not just me. everyone in the house. we all equally hate her, and we all tune in for ever single episode. as i sit squarely in front of my tv, mouth agape, i occasionally hear screams of disbelief and disgust echoing down the hallways.

dear nick,

yeah, she's pretty hot. but she's a spoiled little princess. you sir, are very hot and actually somewhat capable of being an adult. dump the princess. marry a nice girl from oklahoma who deserves you. and who can hang up her towels.

please get out while you can,

please take your horrible show off the air so i can sleep at night again,

please marry me,

kristin