there have been several drawbacks to my new apartment, which will be fully documented in horrific pictures and stories to come, but the absolute worst problem we're experiencing now - worse than even no phone or internet - is no tv. conner, who has the television, is taking his sweet time in relocating it to our new place. as a result, katie and i have suffered intensely.

we missed american idol, but i'm kind of over that. clay is destined for broadway and ruben, bless his sweet little heart, isn't going to live long enough to really capture any idol-esque fame unless he sheds some pounds. we at madpony liked lauren's friend jacob smalley, and he's been gone for quite awhile. american idol. psh.

and i never even watched an episode of this last bachelor. how old is that guy, anyway? from the previews, i'd say that he would blend in on any college campus quite nicely. andrew firestone is not looking for the love of his life, he's picking out a random girl for his next drunken fraternity luau. and i for one am not interested.

survivor? that's so.. three years ago. does anyone still watch survivor? anyone?

and i haven't been missing my soaps, because honestly. you can skip those things for months or years at a time and still quite easily figure out what's going on when you finally do tune back in.

however. mr. personality, i hunger for your touch.

for those of you who haven't been paying attention or maybe just casey, mr. personality is just like the bachelorette. only this time, the men are wearing masks and concealing their identities and professions, which supposedly ensures that the woman will choose her mate solely on his charming attitude rather than his made-for-tv good looks.

now, i won't argue that there is anything quality about mr. personality. in fact, i say it's the absolute lack of any qualities which makes the show so worth watching. it is the crowning jewel of bad reality tv, and i am fascinated.

first, there's hayley arp, who fox's website questionably refers to as the show's "sweetheart." she's flighty, she's shallow, she has funny teeth. immediately, we are all rooting for her failure. her miserable failure.

fortunately, disaster seems to be her only option. the producers of this show have managed to assemble the most bizarre cast of men ever to appear on tv. they then placed them in frightening crayola colored masks to make them even that much stranger. my personal favorite is chris, a 30-year-old motivational speaker from LA. chris is using hypnosis and other brainwashing techniques to win hayley's attention. mr. personality, or mr. personality disorder?

i think they belong together.

perhaps my favorite part of the show is the lovely hostess, monica lewinsky. goodness, monica. they have you all draped in matronly shawls, being motherly to a girl who is maybe two or three years younger than you, and scolding the show’s men for their unfaithful behavior towards hayley. do you remember what you were doing back in '97? because we do, and we just can't stop laughing.

i believe the finale is coming up next week. if chris and i both have our way, hayley will dump will the millionaire and cry big fat tears when his beautiful face and bulging bank accounts are revealed.

ah, sweet victory.

thank you, bad reality tv. you're the reason i rise from bed each morning.

and GO SCARY CHRIS!